I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
