I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
