I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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