Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
