We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
