Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
