either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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