to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize