the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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