We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
