Already got asked if we're dating
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
