ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
