Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
