I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
