he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
