I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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