I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
