Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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