I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
