butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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