You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
