I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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