someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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