I think my vagina is haunted
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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