It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
