I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
