Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
