last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
