After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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