In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
