well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
