Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm like, not good at living.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
