I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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