Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
