I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
