well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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