Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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