I accidentally had phone sex last night
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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