My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
