when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
40s are totally the cure
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
