I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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