how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
