it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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