These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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