Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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