my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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