went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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