Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
