to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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