Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
