YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
