I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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