Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
