how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize