It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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