even my farts smell like vagina
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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