i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize