I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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