Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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