I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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