his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
