we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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