I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
