ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
