Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
